
                      ----------------------------------

                      F  I  L  M  *  R  E  V  I  E  W  S

                      ----------------------------------


                        TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES III

                      A film review by James Berardinelli
                       Copyright 1993 James Berardinelli


Released:   19/3/93 in US
Length:     1:36
Rated:      PG (Cartoon violence)
Starring:   Elias Koteas, Paige Turco, Vivian Wu, Sab Shimono, Stuart Wilson
Director:   Stuart Gillard
Producers:  Thomas K. Gray, Kim Dawson, and David Chan
Screenplay: Stuart Gillard
Music:      John Du Prez Released by New Line Cinema


     In 1603 Japan, there is a  war  in  progress  between a great warlord (Sab
Shimono) and a band of  rebels  led  by  a  beautiful  young woman (Vivian Wu).
Through an  odd  series  of  events,  a  magical  talisman  of  the  warlord is
activated, transporting April (Paige Turco), a  resident of 1993 New York City,
to feudal Japan.  Following her  disappearance,  her  four teenage mutant ninja
turtle friends decide to go after her. Using the same talisman that transported
April, the reptilian brothers cross through  time  and  space  to end up in the
middle of the battle between the warlord and the rebels.

     The TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES  movies  are  New Line Cinema's cash cow.
Ever since the unexpected  success  of  the  generally-dreadful first film, the
sequels have arrived at fairly regular  intervals.   Until one bombs at the box
office, they will likely continue to appear.  Since they aren't costly to make,
it will require an extremely  low  turnout  for  any  of  these movies to run a
deficit.

     Quality obviously doesn't have  anything  to  do  with  the  appeal of the
turtles.  The first film  was  bad,  the  second  worse,  and  the third almost
unbearable.  Children under the age of  thirteen will probably enjoy the movies
- they have the same  appeal  and  intelligence  level  of the average Saturday
morning cartoon - but any adults accompanying  them to the theater will have to
invent new and interesting ways to stay awake and interested.  Not only is this
movie aimed at young children, the script could have been written by them.

     It isn't necessary for a children's film  to insult and bore adults.  Many
of them do, but movies like Disney's  ALADDIN manage to entertain people of all
ages.  Not so for TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA  TURTLES  III.  The movie is supposed to
be an offbeat adventure/comedy, but the action is dull and predictable, and the
comedy,  which  consists  of  numerous   hackneyed  one-liners,  is  singularly
monotonous.

     There is a lot of  cartoon-style  violence  in  this film.  In fight scene
after fight scene,  many  of  which  involve  guns  and  swords,  people emerge
relatively unscathed.  Death doesn't seem to  be  a strong reality in the world
of the mutant ninja turtles.  Like in  HOME  ALONE  2 (and, to a lesser extent,
the original HOME ALONE), men survive  getting  bashed over the head with heavy
objects, beaten up, and shot at. Personally,  I  believe that when a movie uses
violence, it should show the  unpleasant  consequences.   In the TEENAGE MUTANT
NINJA TURTLES movies, we  get  an  idealized,  sanitized  violence where no one
really gets hurt.

     The film will appeal to  children.   Marketing  plays  a big part in this,
enticing boys and girls  to  go  out  and  see  the  newest adventures of their
favorite foursome.  The PG rating lulls  parents  into believing that this is a
wholesome family feature.  What it turns out  to  be is too violent for younger
viewers and unbearably tedious for older  ones.  Yet,  despite being one of the
worst films of the year, it  will  probably  still  make a tremendous amount of
money and, as the unfortunate result,  we  will  be subjected to TEENAGE MUTANT
NINJA TURTLES IV.

                            Rating: 3.0 (F+, *)

- James Berardinelli (blake7@cc.bellcore.com)


